Preface: Speaking with a friend online... He asks how I've been and the what I've been up to. Upon telling him the day by day, he asks if I found a boyfriend on New Year's Eve... as if it would even be possible on a night of reckless celebration and the very real chance that you'll meet up with girlfriends the next afternoon for "breakfast" in your New Year's Eve dress, accessorized with last night's make-up residue, a pounding headache, and tracks in your stockings. The conversation progressed to an overgeneralized description of some of my party habits (which, I need not disclose on any public site)... and then he said the aforementioned words.
No, I did not find a boyfriend on New Year's Eve. But... really though?
A few things came to mind immediately... "Wow, you're a douchebag" was the first. "Oldmaidenhood, here I come!" was the second. And then I thought about it. To be honest, I've heard similar from another male friend, who is NOT very in-tune with a woman's need for respect or ... much of anything. The point is: Is there any validity to either of their statements? I would make this about myself (I felt my habits, my lifestyle, my future, and not to mention my love life [and let's face it, who really wants to deal with that subject?] was put under the microscope.) However, there was more to this. Frankly, I felt offended for my entire gender...Hence leading to the following question:
Taking all this new political and economic change into account, have we really not stripped ourselves of over-traditional values that places a woman in the kitchen, a man at her side, and the social stigma that brands her as a "whore," "lonely," or a "workaholic" if she wishes to stray from the norm? N0. This will not do. Independent women, holler at me.
Welcome to 2009, ladies and gents, where Ne-yo praises a well-named "Miss Independent," Beyonce struts her jelly while calling out "all the single ladies" and Pink addresses the all-important question, "Why do I feel this good sober?" (Let's be clear - My partying brought about this issue, so it will definitely have to be addressed. Alcoholism aside, I know people can relate to Pink because although one should not depend solely on alcohol for a good time, there is no denying it has a positive power on most situations when consumed in moderate proportions... That being said, save your judgment for someone who cares.) The age for marriage is steadily increasing as divorce rates are the highest they've ever been. The age of baby-boomers are no longer at hand; tradition has been thrown out the window and rousing debates concerning a number of arguments (Prop 8, anyone?) have taken its place. In relation to my argument, among these controversies is the obvious - where do women really belong?
I'd rather not make this a lengthy essay about how women should be able to have their cake and eat it too - have a white picket fence, two straight-A kids, and a faithful husband and be a CEO in the company, etc etc. Personally, I'm not so agreeable and I already, in my 23 year-old state, foresee holes in my future from either end. So let's not go there. But we can delve into the world of "men" and "whores." As in, "Wow dude, you got it in with all of them? You're the man! :Guffaw guffaw!:" On the flip-side, a girl does the same and she's a whore? Ew. Is this a little extreme? Am I making a huge assumption of the general population that dates to prior centuries? Am I simply offended because there may, in fact, be some truth to the above statement? Maybe...
Nevertheless, I can't seem to shake the presumption that women who share the interest in going out with girlfriends to parties and clubs are often immediately classified as self-demeaning. In conjunction with this very real supposition, I give you Example A: One hot night this past summer, a 22 year-old young woman goes out with a few friends in a little black dress and red patent leather pumps. As she stands on 27th and Fifth hailing a taxi with one hand on her hip, the other outstretched signaling the next available cab, another woman approximately in her late forties asks her to come closer. The elder asks for the junior's age with obvious disregard for the actual number, after which she bluntly states, "You know, you could probably go far if you slowed down. You've got potential." Obviously, I was the 22 year-old given this very helpful advice from a middle-aged woman still out at 1am in the morning. WHAT the ....?! Essentially, this woman, judging strictly from looks and dress, felt it her duty to give me guidance on how to live a happy and successful life, as if that was not already the case. (Perhaps it would be prudent to mention there was minimal alcohol in my system and I, surprisingly, was not dancing the Geia-dance at that moment.) To this day, I am unsure of her intentions, but I am certain that I took offense. I thought women were supposed to stick together. Besides, how wise would it be to take advice from a woman still out and about 'til the wee hours of the morning a couple years short of her fiftieth birthday? Doesn't she have menopause to attend to?
Examples B-Z: The almost instantaneous assumptions by a number of men I meet in several spots. For instance, Text #2 (ever) from Man #1 at 11pm on a Tuesday night: You wanna come over? ;-) Or... the first thing I hear uttered from Man #2's lips last Friday night: Who you f*ckin tonight? Tell me this stuff happens to other people...
...Really?? Is it me or are women being placed in two ridiculously extreme categories? She who stays at home must cook, clean, and bear children to whom she will be a permanent slave for the rest of her life. (A stretch, I know.) And she who chooses to go out, enjoy her independence, and laugh at the mere idea of confinement is immediately cast as the Mary Magdalene. Consider unnecessary and uncalled-for comments society's modern way of stoning the poor whore. I am not impressed. Where is the happy medium?
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